Someday
by kaut
Summary: Grissom visits his mother's grave and reflects on his life.
1. 1997

**Disclaimer: **I do not now nor have ever owned anything affiliated with CSI.

**19****97**

Dark clouds rolled over the sky. The wind picked up, scattering dirt across the freshly cut grass. The people standing about began to shiver and tighten their jackets around them. They made their way back to their cars, picking up their pace as the weather turned uglier, each casting one final glance at the man still standing behind them.

Gil Grissom never felt anything. He never felt the breeze blow through his hair and ruffle his curly locks. He never felt the slow drops of rain trickle down his neck. He never felt his shirt cling to him as the rain picked up and soaked through his suit. He was numb. He stared down at the grave in front of him and pulled his hands from his pockets. He began signing as he quietly spoke. "Mom, I can't believe you're gone. The funeral was nice. Aunt Sue asked me if I wanted to do your eulogy, but I'm sure you could understand why I couldn't and why I asked Mark to do it." He sighed and ran his hand over his wet head before continuing to sign. "I did want to tell you a few things that I never did, but things I hope you knew. I thought about everything I wanted to say last night and wrote them all down." He pulled out a paper from his pocket, opened it, then folded it and placed it back into his pocket. He forced a chuckle. "I guess I can't read and sign at the same time. I'll have to try to remember what I wrote. I hope I don't forget anything." He stopped and ran his hand through his hair again. Drops of rain ran down his arm. Only then did he realize it was raining. He shook off his hand and continued signing as he spoke. "Mom, I'll miss you. I already miss you. You were the only person to ever understand me. You were my best friend growing up. I don't know what I am going to do without you."

A soft cough broke Grissom from his thoughts. He looked up to see a couple of workers waiting to finish burying the coffin. He smiled softly. "Sorry, can I have a few more minutes? I won't be long; I promise."

One of the workers nodded. "Come on Larry, let's grab a cup of coffee." The two men turned and walked across the cemetery, leaving Grissom alone again.

Grissom turned his focus back to the grave. "This has been so devastating. I feel so lost. You've always been the one to guide me through everything. You were so strong and independent and while I know that for the most part, I've inherited your independence, I feel as though I lack your strength. I know your greatest wish was for me to be happy and I will try to get there, but right now, I feel alone and devastated. Someday, mom. Someday I'll get there. Goodbye."

He dropped his hands to his sides and stared down at his feet. Slowly he bent down and scooped up a handful of dirt. He held his hand over the grave and let the wet clumps of earth fall between his fingers. He turned and walked away, his face without expression.

tbc..

**A/N:** This fic was inspired by the Dierks Bentley song, "Gonna Get There Someday." Chapter two will be based on the song.


	2. 1998

**A/N: **As stated before, this chapter is based on Dierks Bentley's song "Gonna Get There someday". I'll post the lyrics at the bottom.

**1998**

The wind began to swirl as the gentle breeze picked up. The sky held only a few clouds but they were enough to create a light sprinkle of rain. Grissom made his way across the well groomed lawn to his mother's resting place. One hand clutching flowers, he bent down and pulled a few errant weeds out of the ground with his other. Chucking the weeds, he stopped to stare at the gravestone.

_Evelyn Anne Grissom_

_1928-1997_

_Beloved Mother and Friend_

As he knelt down, he grazed his fingers over the engraving. Slowly, he placed his bouquet of daisies next to an arrangement of lilies adorning his mother's grave. He stood up and brushed off his hands. He began to sign as he spoke. "Hello mom. I see that Aunt Sue has kept your grave well cared for. The lilies she brought were a nice touch, or maybe it was Mark and Courtenay who brought the flowers. It's nice to see someone has been able to visit."

Grissom dropped his hands and looked down at them. He paused before picking them back up. "It's been a year and I still find myself missing you everyday. Some days I miss you so much it hurts and despite everything I know about science, and all the lingering faith I have in God, I am still angry that you were taken from me. It's been hard. I'm still a little lost, but finding my way. I'm sorry I haven't come sooner. Work has been very busy. They just made me supervisor of the grave yard shift. It's a good position for me. I get to make the schedule and work it around my seminars, conferences and roach races. Not only do I get to travel more and work my schedule around the conferences, but the lab encourages me to attend them. They feel as though my expertise as a forensic entomologist helps to raise the reputation of the lab. Jim Brass still runs the unit, so I don't have to worry about the politics of the lab. Jim takes care of all the politics and disciplinary action, leaving me to solving crimes, teaching and training, and travelling to conferences."

Grissom paused when he felt the rain stop. He held out his hand to see if any more drops would fall. Satisfied that the rain did stop, he took off his jacket and placed it over his arm. He looked back at his mother's headstone. "I'm actually on my way back from a conference right now. I was in San Francisco and thought I'd loop through here on the way home. I was able to conduct a couple of seminars at the conference and found that I enjoyed the experience. I've always loved the teaching aspect of the job, but this past week I found it even more rewarding. I met a young CSI there who's passion for the job is intoxicating." He chuckled and laid out his jacket on the ground sitting on it. "She reminds me of you. She's inquisitive and curious and extremely bright. She asked a million questions and listened intently to every answer I gave her. When I watched her, I actually saw her mind working through the information. Her eyes light up when whatever her mind is processing kicks in. She's very intelligent. She's passionate and thirsty for knowledge. She pushed me and challenged me the way that you used to. Her passion and intensity has helped me to renew my own passion for my work. After spending a week with this young CSI, I have gained some of the bearings I lost when you died."

Grissom stopped and sighed. He closed his eyes felt the wind sweep over his body. He took a deep breath. "I know you want me to be happy and I am working towards it. Right now, I am very content. Despite what I see everyday, I love my work and I feel like I am doing something good. I am surrounded by intelligent and dedicated individuals and I feel as though I am a part of something for the first time ever. I am content with the life I live and I feel as though I am moving towards finding happiness. I still feel a little lost without you. I miss you and I love you. I'll try to come more often." He stood up and ran his fingers over the headstone once again. "I miss you."

He turned and walked away just as the wind began to pick up and the gentle drops of rain began to fall again.

tbc…

_Well its been a year and there so much to tell  
been doing alright in spite of myself  
just wish i could stop feeling bad when i pray  
But I know I'm gonna get there someday_

_Got that job I was dreaming about  
sometimes its tough traveling around  
but who i wanna be still seems so far away  
but i know i'm gonna get there someday_

_glad i told you all i meant to  
while i had the chance  
cause every moment i had with you  
made me who i am_

_by the way, i met someone new  
and wouldn't you know, she's a whole lot like you  
still i ain't ready to settle down in one place  
but i know i'm gonna get there someday_

_well i guess i'll be movin on  
i'll just leave these daisies by your stone  
and momma, i still miss you every day  
but i know i'm gonna get there someday_

_when that'll be, guess only God can say  
but i know i'm gonna get there someday_

- Dierks Bentley, "Gonna Get There Someday"


	3. 2000

**2000**

Grissom pulled his jacket tight around his frame as the wind picked up in it's intensity. The remnants of autumn leaves danced in the air before floating to the ground. While the chill in the air would normally cause Grissom to quicken his pace, he found that he was in no hurry that day. Instead, he meandered through the grave yard, glancing at headstones as he passed.

_Carl James Picton & Dorothy Ellen Picton_

_1921-1992 & 1926-_

_Eternally Together_

_They Lay in Greener Pastures_

'Not yet,' Grissom thought and smiled softly. His smile left his face when he came to the next headstone.

_Gracie Elizabeth Kelly_

_1991-1998_

_Light of our lives;_

_Extinguished too soon_

An air of sadness passed over him. He dropped his head and headed straight to his mother's grave.

Grissom had to brush away the leaves from his mother's headstone to read her name. When he saw the familiar engraving he smiled and placed his bouquet of flowers on the ground. The flower holder was full of what looked like two separate bouquets. His own bouquet joined another sitting in front of the headstone. He stood up and smiled softly. Quickly, he rubbed his hands together and blew on them, knowing they would get cold as he signed. He spoke quietly. "Looks like your sister and your nieces and nephews are taking better care of your grave than your son. I'm sorry it's been so long."

He stopped to breathe warm air onto his hands again. A gust of wind blew down his neck and he shivered. He rubbed his hands together before he began speaking and signing again. "So many things have changed in the past couple of years. Although I think of you less each day, right now, I find myself needing you more than ever. These are my first days off in a long time and I came here. I needed to talk to you. I wish you could respond and give me some guidance. I feel the pressure of work beginning to build. We recently hired this new CSI. She was a rookie and she was killed her second night on the job. The powers that be decided to send Jim Brass back to the Police Department and left me to run the unit. I thought it was going to be temporary, but it seems that is not the case. It's a position that I never wanted or should have ever been given. I am a scientist who studies crime scenes. I lead by example, teaching as I go. This new job requires more leadership and more strength than I feel I have. I am not a leader of men. I'm not comfortable being responsible for the people I work with. I am not sure I can do this job."

Grissom sighed and ran his hands up and down his arms, trying to warm himself with the friction. He stopped rubbing only so he could sign again. "So far it hasn't been easy either. The only person more skeptical of my abilities to handle this job, than me, is Catherine. She has already decided that she can do what she pleases and I can't seem to reign her in. Warrick is troubled and in need of help. I only hope he seeks the help he needs and hope that he trusts me to help him and guide him. So far we've been able to work through some things, but it is still early and I fear that he will fall victim to the same mistakes and lapses in judgment as before."

The breeze picked up, sending a chill down Grissom's back. He turned his collar up to cover his neck and closed his eyes briefly. "Now that I'm running the unit, Nick looks to me for approval on everything. He tries so hard to so hard to make me proud and wants, so badly, to prove himself to me. I see the disappointment on his face every time I try to tell him that he's not ready yet. I know he thinks he's letting me down. I wish he didn't look to me for approval. He needs someone to show him his strengths and help him gain the independence he needs to work this job. I'm not able to do that for him. I can't be that man for him. Unfortunately, Nick is very much the victim of my shortcomings." He paused briefly before continuing, "These young CSIs are looking to me for guidance, but I feel as though I'm failing. While I know, somehow we'll weather this, I can't help but feel the tenuous bond of our team slipping away."

Grissom lowered his head and looked at his mother's headstone. Sudden soft sounds of feet crunching leaves on the grass broke him from his thoughts. He looked up to see six men in black suits carrying a coffin towards an empty grave. They were followed by a procession of well dressed mourners. Grissom shook his head. He wondered how he, a man of great observational skills, could have missed seeing the empty grave earlier.

The noise faded as the procession moved further away. When the sounds became faint again, Grissom focused back on his mother's grave. He tried to remember where he was so that he could continue. "An addition to our team has both helped and hindered the bond. When I was first given my new position, I brought in a new CSI to investigate the events surrounding our rookie CSI's death. When she was finished, I asked her to stay on. I met her at a conference a couple years ago and I felt she was someone I could trust. However, her arrival seemed to heighten tensions in the lab. She and Nick seem to get along fine, but her relationship to the others is not very strong. Catherine took awhile to accept her, mostly because she was originally brought in to investigate internal issues. She and Warrick are still working through several issues that were a result of her internal investigations and my inability to explain my decisions to her. You see, she found Warrick partly responsible for the death of the young CSI. I looked over her report, but acted as Warrick's supervisor and friend instead of Warrick's boss. She respected my decision, and has been civil to Warrick, but they haven't yet been able to fully work through it. Although there is no evidence of this, I also am afraid that she saw my decision as a sign that I don't trust her or respect her findings. This couldn't be further from the truth. I asked her to join our team because of the trust I have in her. However, I'm not sure how to communicate this. As bad as my inability to lead and communicate with the rest of my team is, it reaches new heights with her. Nothing is simple with her and it confuses me. She is so passionate and intelligent, but I worry for her. She's only been with us a couple of months and I've already seen signs of her work consuming her and her getting emotionally involved in a case." He paused. "But, she's strong and I hope she has the strength to sustain. I feel that if I fail anyone at this job, I'll fail her the most."

Grissom looked at his watch and realized how long he had been at his mother's grave. He chuckled. "I told you I needed guidance." He looked to the sky. The clouds opened up a little, letting a stream of sunlight flow through. The breeze died down. Grissom smiled. "Personally I am doing well. I've been dating a little and making sure I spend time doing the things I love. I still love my work. I hate the paperwork and the politics, but the science and the innovations in science continually remind me of my love for my job. I still use the science to lead. I feel that I can use my knowledge and experience to lead the team. Before, when people looked to me for leadership, I used science to show them the way. I still do that. The difference now though, is that before I never had to worry about how my decisions would affect people."

Grissom paused briefly. He knelt down to his mother's headstone. "I remember when you were buried. I told you I'd work to having the life I wanted for myself. In some ways, I feel as though this promotion has caused me to take a step backwards. I'm still looking to someday though. I'll weather this. The team will weather this." He placed his hand on the stone before standing back up. "Thanks mom. I miss you." He balled his hands into one fist and blew on them. Placing his hands in his pockets, he began his brisk walk out of the cemetery.


	4. 2003

**2003**

It was quiet and calm as Grissom wandered through the cemetery. The light was fading as day made its way to cool evening. When Grissom approached his mother's grave, he was barely able to make out the writing.

Grissom kneeled on the grass next to his mother's headstone. Laying down his bouquet of daisies, he was disappointed to see that his flowers weren't joining any others for the first time ever. "Hi mom. I see that with Aunt Sue being sick, you haven't had your regular visitors. Well, I'm here now. I know it's been a long time. I'm sorry. I've had to bury myself in my work these past couple of years. In that time, I've thought a lot about who I am as a man, and I think I made it. I know who I am. I have found that it is my work which defines me. I have found my way as a supervisor. I have found my life and my self in my work. The people who work with me would very much agree."

Feeling his knees beginning to get sore from resting on them, Grissom leaned forward and pulled his legs out from under himself before leaning back to a sitting position. He crossed his legs and continued to whisper and sign. "The job is still as challenging as it was the first day, but we have a strong, united team, and I feel that my job teaching them has, for the most part, passed. They are professional and competent and I am proud of them. In spite of the trials they faced, an explosion in the lab, they have come through. I still worry about them; I still worry about her, but they have shown me they can handle what comes there way and they will watch out for each other; they will watch out for her."

Grissom paused. He leaned backwards, resting on his hands. He looked at his mother's headstone and stared, thoughts churning through his mind. Finally, he sighed and leaned forward, releasing his hands so that he could sign again. "We have faced many challenges over this year that have caused me to question some things. I had to question how well I really know anyone. I had to question my relationships with people. A few people have surprised me this year." Grissom stopped and ran his hand through his hair. "This job has taught me that I can never really know anyone, but the one person I thought I knew, the one person I trusted myself to know has shown me that I don't really know anyone at all."

Grissom slowly pulled himself to his feet and stared down at the grave. "The one person I thought I knew turned out to be a great disappointment." He paused briefly. "Do you remember my old mentor, Philip Gerard? He came for dinner a few times while I still lived here. I saw him again this past year. He sold himself out. He was called in by a defense attorney to examine our methods of processing evidence. While he was doing so, he began to conduct a witch hunt. While some of his observations were valid, most were used to attack our evidence so that he could profit off of a high profile case. He compromised the ethics of his position and his work, and he nearly helped to set a murderer free." Grissom felt his rage begin to build up. He stopped himself to take a few deep breaths. His voice lowered as he continued. "He attacked each member of my team professionally and some personally as well. He exploited his relationship with me, trying to unsettle me with his knowledge of me, and targeting my hearing difficulties."

Grissom paused before beginning to speak again. "I forgot to tell you mom, I inherited otosclerosis. The past year, my hearing began to fade. I spent the year battling hearing loss." Grissom sighed and knelt down in front of his mother's headstone. "I remember, as a child, when anything got difficult for you, when your disability made things harder, you would cover my ears with your hands, look up to the ceiling or the sky and send up a silent prayer. I always knew what you were doing. You never wanted me to experience the difficulties that you did. I inherited the disease, but thankfully medicine has advanced in the past thirty five years. I was able to have an operation to remove the bone deposits that found their way into my ear. I'm now taking a week to recover and am doing well."

Grissom paused again. He stood up ran his hand behind his neck. "I don't think I would have minded going deaf. If it wasn't for my line of work, I might not have had the operation, or, likely, I would have put it off until it was too late. Because I can't fully do my job without my five senses and because Philip Gerard was trying to use my hearing difficulties to discredit me, I eventually had to correct the problem."

Grissom looked up and noticed that darkness had set in. The moon cast a hue over the graveyard. He sighed. "The whole experience with Philip has left me disheartened and disillusioned. I have come to realize that the only constant in my life is work. Unlike people, the evidence never lies. I have placed my faith in science. I can trust the science." He paused and looked back down. "I know this proclamation has you turning in your grave. I know you wanted more for me. I know you would have been disappointed in some of the choices I've made recently and I know you wouldn't call this a life, but this is my life. This is who I am. This is the life I've chosen. People let you down, but my work and my sense of who I am through my work doesn't. I know that while you may not have agreed with all my choices, I know you'd be proud that I have carried forward your sense of what is good and right in this world. You've installed strong values in me that I hope I am living up to." His voice softened. "I miss you." He took one last look at his mothers grave before turning and walking away in the darkness.


	5. 2005

**2005**

The sun beat down causing sweat to trickle down Grissom's forehead and the back of his neck. He could feel the early signs of heat stroke. His head ached and he felt sick. While he was used to the dry heat of Las Vegas, he was no longer used to humidity. He stopped to take a drink from the water bottle he clutched in one of his hands and stared down at the fresh dirt of a new grave. He sighed and shook his head before he continued to walk towards his mother's grave. When he reached his mother's headstone, he placed his water bottle on the ground and gently laid his bouquet of flowers amongst a large assortment of roses and tulips, lilies and daisies. He stood up and began to sign. "Mom, I'm sorry I haven't come for a couple of years. Work has been demanding and it's been a little rough, especially this past year. Hopefully these difficult times ended with Aunt Sue's death earlier this week. She's been so sick these past two years that her death wasn't much of a surprise, but hard none-the-less. I feel as though I lost my strongest link to you."

The sweat accumulating on Grissom's forehead made its way down into his eyes. He stopped to wipe his brow with his arm. He shook the arm off and continued to sign. "She was buried yesterday." He looked off to his left before turning back to his mother's grave. "Her grave is only about two hundred yards from yours. The funeral was nice. Avery read the eulogy for his grandmother and did a wonderful job. He is very bright and very talented for a twelve year old. Little Julia, Mark and Courtney's youngest…she was born about two years after you died…anyways, little Julia surprised me by clutching my hand the entire time. Her hands felt so small in mine." He stopped and looked down at his hands, watching them as they clenched and unclenched.

Grissom's eyes moved from his hands to the flowers on his mother's grave. "It looks like you've received a lot of flowers from all of the visitors here for Aunt Sue's funeral. I saw a lot of people heading this way after the burial. I wanted to come yesterday, but with all of the other people over here, I decided to wait for today." He sighed and looked back towards his aunt's grave. "The burial was hard, harder than yours. I was numb throughout your burial, but yesterday when they lowered Aunt Sue's casket, I felt sick. It was only a few weeks ago we were searching for one of my CSIs, buried alive in a glass coffin. Nick was kidnapped by a distraught father exacting revenge for the imprisonment of his daughter. It was a race against time, but luckily we found him and he is now recovering with his family in Texas. Did I mention it was a rough year?"

The moisture continued to build up on Grissom's face as the sun continued to beat down mercilessly. His hair clung to his forehead. He moved his hand up to brush it away before pulling at his t-shirt, trying to fan himself with air. He released his shirt and let it fall back against his chest, where it clung, once again to his body. He bent down and picked up his water bottle, taking a sip before dropping back onto the ground. "So many things have happened in the past couple of years that have caused me to again question my position in life. The clarity I thought I had the last time I visited your grave faded away until it was lost altogether. Now, there isn't much that is clear to me anymore. Two years ago, I thought I found my life. I chose to live a life alone with my work. I thought that life could make me happy. I realize now, I wasn't happy. I settled for a life of quiet contentment. I thought that it would be enough, but I'm not sure it's enough anymore. I want more. I've witnessed so much strength and bravery around me and it has made me realize I've been a coward. I hid from the things that could hurt me or upset my balance, trusting only in science. I hid from life. I cut myself off from the world to protect myself. A couple of months ago I was still trying to convince myself that I made the right choice. I lacked strength and I know that is something you would have been disappointed in."

Grissom's headache intensified. His head began pounding in the humid California heat. He bent down to pick up his water bottle and let the warm water fall down his chest as he took a long drink. He replaced the cap and let the bottle fall back to the ground. He pulled at the cloths sticking to his body and tried again, to fan himself. His hand made it's way to the back of his neck where it wiped away the moisture. He continued to sign and speak softly to his mother's grave. "Recently I've begun to question who I am to other people. Our team was split up earlier this year and the division forced me to examine what the team means to me, what these people who I work with mean to me. They are important to me and I know now, that I am important to them. I've realized how much my detachment could hurt the team. While I still value my privacy, I know I have to be more open with them. I've tried, this year to become more involved again. I also feel the need to protect them, though I have failed miserably in that category so far."

The world turned black for a moment and Grissom wondered if it was the heat getting to him, or reliving all that had happened. Feeling lightheaded, he knew he should get out of the heat, but he still had things he wanted to say. He decided to sit down on the grass. As he sat, he took another drink of water. "I want you to know, I still know who I am. I know the man I am and I know the man I want to be. I will always place my faith in my work and in science, but I want to put my faith into people as well." He paused and took a sip of water. He stared at his mother's headstone, then down at his hands as they continued to sign. "Recently someone place a great deal of faith and trust in me. It took a lot of courage to do so, and I admire that courage. I admire her strength, and I hope I can live up to her trust. I hope I can allow myself to trust her the way she has trusted me."

"I'm trying to become the man raised by you instead of the isolated man I've become. On that note, I want to thank you for the way that you raised me. Thank you for always protecting me. You were a wonderful mother. You encouraged me and supported me and most importantly, you protected me and taught me to protect myself. I felt safe with you. After all that I have seen and heard, I have become increasingly grateful for that sense of safety growing up. Thank you." Grissom stopped and fingered the letters on the gravestone. "I promise you I will go after what I want. I will take a chance. I'm tired of denying myself the things that could make me happy. I'm tired of living in denial. I will open myself up and let the world in. It scares me but I'm trying to feed off someone else's strength. Someday is not too far off, mom." He stood up, grabbing his water bottle and looked back down at the grave. "Goodbye mom."


	6. 2008

2008

**2008**

The sky was clear and the sun was shining. There was a light breeze, warm on the skin. Taking in the beauty and the gorgeous weather of these late summer days, Grissom took his time strolling across the graveyard, stopping briefly at his aunt's grave before moving onto his mother's. He looked around at all the graves nearby, decorated with flowers. He smiled sadly when he noticed that his mother's own grave was devoid of any. He looked at his empty hands and felt guilty for forgetting to pick any up.

He sat down on the fresh cut grass by his mother's grave. "Hey mom. I've missed you." He looked over at his mother's headstone and smiled wistfully. "I've been thinking a lot lately, and I thought about all I've told you during my visits here. I've realized that I have revealed more of myself during these visits than I ever allowed myself to reveal to anyone before. Maybe I come here reflect and to work out who I am or want to be. Maybe it's easier reflect on myself when I'm talking to you."

Grissom sighed. He grasped his hands together in front of him then released and held his palms together and moved his hands in front of his mouth. He closed his eyes and let the warm breeze pass over him while he took a deep breath. "Eleven years ago, when I buried you, I thought that it would be the hardest thing I would ever have to do. I thought I could never hurt as much as I hurt when I lost you. I knew I was wrong when I met someone I knew I could fall in love with. I understood that while the pain from losing you was difficult to bear, the pain I would experience from loving then losing her would be unbearable. However, three years ago I made the decision to go after the things that could make me happy and I knew that my happiness rested with her."

Grissom chuckled softly in remembrance. "She was tenacious. She never backed down and she never gave up on me. Even when she let me go, she never gave up. God, she was stubborn. It became too hard to resist her. Then, I found I didn't want to resist her anymore. Despite the pain I knew I'd feel later, I opened my heart to her." He smile sadly. "I was right about my happiness resting with her and right about the pain I'd feel at losing her. However, I wholly underestimated the depth of happiness and pain I'd feel." He closed his eyes and smiled, recollecting. "For two years, I was happy, completely and totally happy. Life wasn't perfect and there were some rough patches, but I was happy, happier then than I had ever been before." His smile washed away and was replace by sadness. "Then, everything changed. I nearly lost her on more than one occasion and the pain and fear I felt was unbearable each time."

Standing, he turned away from the grave and tried to breathe in the fresh air. He turned back to his mother's grave and looked down, taking another deep breath. He was finding it hard to speak. His voice softened and he knew he'd have to rely more on his hands to get everything out. "Then, then I did lose her. She left. She left me and the pain I felt was absolute. It was incalculable. I was beyond devastated. I was desperate and lost and well, I felt dead. I can't adequately describe the heartache. I could understand her leaving, but I couldn't understand her leaving me."

After taking a few deep breaths with his eyes closed, Grissom looked at his mother's grave. He ran his hand through his hair. "I knew something was wrong. I tried to talk to her but she pushed me away. She was so fiercely independent, I thought if I left her to work through it herself, she would. I never thought she'd leave." Grissom felt the words catch in his throat. He took a deep breath. "I know you'd be angry at her for hurting me that way, but please don't blame her. It was something that she had to do. I can't explain it. She had a rough life. What she experienced as a child would shock you. Her adult life never fared much better. Her life was harsh. She went through so much. Mom, she had to go away and rethink everything." He paused and swallowed. "It hurt that I couldn't be there for her, that she had to leave me to heal. I didn't understand it then, but I do now. I've accepted it. I had to. If I hadn't, I'm sure that I wouldn't be here now." He stopped when he felt a hand slide over his shoulder and give it a gentle squeeze. He turned around and looked at the source. He smiled. "Hey."

"Hey," she whispered quietly. She handed him a bouquet. "Daisies, you said?"

He took the flowers from her hands and smiled softly. "Yeah, thanks." He turned over the empty flower holder and placed the flowers inside.

She smiled at him. "Are you ready, or do you want some more time?"

His response was quiet. "I'd like some more time."

"Okay." She smiled and turned away. He looked over to see her leaving and grasped her hand, stopping her movement. She turned and raised an eyebrow.

He released her hand and looked at her. "Stay?"

She smiled again and moved to his side. She squeezed his hand lightly. He released it only so that he could continue to sign. "Mom, this is Sara." He smiled. "She is the most amazing woman I know. She helped me to open myself up. She has shown me how to love and how to be loved. I wish you could have met her. You would have loved her."

A tear slowly made it's way down Sara's cheek. Grissom turned her way and wiped the tear away with his thumb. He smiled and turned back to his mother's grave. "She's beautiful mom, and intelligent and so much like you. She's strong, mom. She has more strength than I knew a person could possess. Despite all that she's experienced, she still had the strength to move forward."

Grissom stopped again and looked over at Sara. Her eyes were filled with tears waiting to fall. He pulled her in front of him and wrapped his arms around her. He released his hands so that he could sign, but continued to hold her with his arms. He spoke softly over his shoulder while his hands signed in front of her. "Her love is a gift. She's sensitive and caring and passionate. Every day that I wake with her in my arms, I am amazed she chose to be with me. She is the love of my life. She has helped me find my way and mom, I made it. I got there."

He moved his hands to hold Sara. She turned in his arms and stepped back. She gazed up at him with her tear filled eyes. "I wish I could have met her."

"She would have loved you, Sara." He grasped her upper arms and pulled her closer, planting a soft kiss on her forehead. "Let's go home." He took her hand and began walking across the cemetery.

Halfway across the cemetery, Grissom felt Sara pull from his grasp. He looked over at her. "What is it?"

"My…my wallet. I had it in my hands when I handed you the daises." She looked down at her hands. I don't have it anymore. I think I may have dropped it by your mother's grave." She began to walk back in the direction she came from. ""I'll go check. You go ahead, I'll meet you at the car." She took off towards the grave.

Grissom looked in the direction of his car before looking back towards Sara. He smiled and followed after her. When he reached her, she was picking her wallet up off of the grass. He was about to announce his presence when he saw her pause. She looked at his mother's headstone and moved towards it, tracing the letters of his last name. Intrigued, he looked on silently.

Sara cleared her throat and began speaking to the headstone she was kneeling in front of. "I wish…I wish I could sign like Gil. I wish I could have met you." She grinned. "I would have loved to have met the person who raised Gilbert Grissom. You must have been a very patient and very understanding woman." She paused and smiled warmly. "I just…I guess I just wanted to thank you for giving the world such a gift. You must have raised him so well. He is a great man. He is brilliant and caring and honest. He is understanding. He is the most beautiful man I have ever met. I fell in love with him the moment I met him. I am so thankful to have him in my life."

Grissom watched as Sara paused and fidgeted with her hands in front of her. He smiled. She continued to speak softly. "When he holds me, I feel safe. He has supported me and comforted me and waited for me." She sighed and shook her head. "I can't believe he waited for me." She paused briefly. "Thank you. Thank you for giving the world such a beautiful man. Thank you." She looked down at the headstone intently, placing her hand over it. "I promise you I'll cherish your gift. He is my soul mate. I can't imagine what my life would be without him."

Sensing that she was finished, Grissom moved towards her. As she stood and turned, she bumped into his chest and jumped back. She looked at him and tried to slow her breathing. "Griss, you scared me."

"Sorry."

She smiled. "Why aren't you back at the car?"

"I decided to come with you." He lifted his arm and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She closed her eyes at him touch before opening them again.

"So you were here the entire time?"

"Yes."

"Oh," she blushed, "I…" her voice grew quiet. "I didn't know."

Grissom simply nodded and pulled her into his embrace. She breathed deeply and closed her eyes. "Gil…" She wrapped her arms around his waist and looked up at him. "I don't know what came over me, only when I stopped to pick up my wallet, I felt like I needed to talk to her. I wanted her to know the man you are. I'm sure she knows, but you said so much about me and I wanted her to hear all about you and how amazing you are…" She looked up at him sheepishly, "and now, I'm rambling."

He nodded again and smiled softly, tightening his embrace.

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"What did you mean when you told your mother you got there?"

He smiled and kissed her softly. "I mean I was…sorry, am…happy." He paused. "When my mother died, I was so sad and so lost, but I knew she wouldn't want that for me. I promised her that I'd find my happiness, I'd be the man I wanted to be, have the life she wanted for me. I told her I'd get there someday." He cupped her cheek in his hand and kissed a tear resting just below her eye. "I'm there now, Sara."

He used his thumb to brush away the other tears spilling from her eyes. She smiled softly. "Gil, let's go home."

The sun shone down on them as he put his arm around her shoulder and led her from the graveyard. She wrapped her own arm around his waist and let her head fall to rest on his shoulder as the walked.

Fin.


End file.
